7 Steps To An Improved Emotional Balance

All of our feelings are necessary. Every feeling gives us valuable information about ourselves, which is why it is so important to pay attention to our emotional state. It is very important to be aware of this, because only if we know our emotional state can we come to emotional balance and well-being. 

Unfortunately, it is not always easy to take care of yourself and see what is going on within us. This is especially true in emotionally difficult and painful situations. Situations that create suffering and fear are like a monster lying in wait.

Such situations lead to self-doubt, stress, fear and insecurity. If we don’t know what to do or how to behave, it can paralyze us. That is why such situations often lead  to a vicious cycle of stress  and apathy. What can we do when these situations become intolerable? How should we act when we feel destroyed and trapped in a dead end? How can we confront these negative feelings that keep us trapped?

” When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves.”

Viktor Frankl

Psychiatrist and professor of psychobiology Vicente Simon has spent a lot of time studying Buddhist psychology. He found a strategy that can help us in such situations: The Seven Steps to Emotional Balance. It is a series of exercises designed to alleviate suffering, avert psychological damage after an emotional shock, and avoid rash actions that could harm ourselves and others.

To find your emotional balance, you need to take a break

When you hear bad news, argue, or feel disappointed, the first step is to pause. If you feel that an overwhelming and uncomfortable feeling arises in you, you should pause. Take a moment and devote all your attention to the turmoil inside you.

It’s not easy at the beginning – and that’s normal. It is not easy to interrupt a process that has been on autopilot for years. Because it goes against everything you’ve done up to then. Feelings usually lead us to act in an abrupt and thoughtless manner. In order to avoid the emotional explosion, we need to pause, give ourselves time to reflect, and accept our inner processes.

In this way it is possible to switch off the autopilot. That, in turn, enables us to act differently than we normally would. Still,  it is important to practice because it is unlikely to work on the first try. You can make it easier for yourself by trying to practice in a quiet and relaxing place.

Breathe deeply, relax

After you hit the pause button, the next step is conscious breathing. You can find your emotional balance by paying attention to your breathing. Pay special attention to the areas of your body where the feelings are showing.

When you feel excited or stressed, it is important to take a deep breath. Deep breathing will help you calm down and find yourself again. The goal is ten breaths per minute. Of course, you won’t be able to do this right away. If you’re excited, you might even take 30 breaths per minute. Here, too, it is important to practice.

On the other hand, you may also notice your heart beating faster when struggling with difficult emotions. You may even feel a slight pressure in your chest or tension in your stomach. In no case is it advisable to  try to avoid these physical sensations. Our body speaks to us through our feelings. So the point is to find out what feelings they are as you calm yourself down through breathing. When you take a deep breath and relax, you can reduce the physical sensations caused by your feelings and still interpret them.

Be aware of your feelings

This step is about familiarizing yourself with your feelings on an experiential level rather than just processing them on the intellectual level. In other words, take the feeling and everything that comes with it as a direct experience. For example, notice how the feeling is expressed physically.

Next, you can imagine or observe which situations or events typically evoke this feeling. Is it a specific person or maybe a thought? Or a memory that you have The key is to recognize the source of the feeling and to pay attention to all aspects of it.

Then you need to find out how you are feeling in order to achieve emotional balance. In other words: name the feeling. Is it anger, sadness, jealousy, or fear? Some scientists assume that feelings lose their power when they are named. In order to better identify the feeling, you can ask yourself various questions. Ask yourself how the feeling would express itself, why it has to hide, and what actions it drives you to do.

Paying attention to your feelings means perceiving them without judgment. That way you can use the emotional experience.

Accept the experience and let in the feeling

This step is about accepting the feeling without judgment, allowing it without suppressing it or defending yourself against it. This is not always pleasant at the beginning. But it is important to get to know the feeling in order to be able to deal with it.

So be an observer of the rejection that this experience triggers in you. Watch your attempts to escape the situation and defend yourself. Most importantly, do nothing. Allow the feeling to express itself as it is. In this way you give space to the feeling and recognize it as a part of you, which makes it easier for you to find your emotional balance.

Be good to yourself

During this deep development, you must not forget to take care of yourself. In these seven steps you deal with what harms you, burdens you, overwhelms you. During all of this, you also need to tie in with the part of you that is still whole and healthy. Connect with the areas of yourself that have to do with affection and love. Because if you neglect yourself, you will not be able to muster the strength necessary to achieve emotional health and stability.

It can be difficult to be loving and comforting yourself. If this is difficult for you , then seek support from the people who are always by your side. Seek out those who are always ready to help you. Their company will make it easier to relieve your stress and anxiety.

Let go of the feeling

By now the intensity of your feelings should have slowly subsided. This enables you to detach yourself from the feeling. This way you can build distance between yourself and the feeling. You are not your feeling, you are only harboring it for a while. 

It is important to realize that the only way to let go of the feeling is to take it out of your inner dialogue. You can’t make a feeling go away. You have to wait for it to resolve on its own. In that sense, realizing that you are not feeling is an important step in breaking its power. The feeling is not you.

Act or not act, depending on the circumstances

When the emotional storm has subsided, you can move on to the last step on the way to emotional equilibrium: decide whether you should act. If you find yourself in a situation where a response is required, you are better prepared for it now. It is much easier to act when you are calm and in touch with your doubts and desires. On the other hand, if  an immediate response is not necessary, then it is best to wait for  the feeling to weaken. Do not act until you have understood the message of the feeling.

As you can see,  a difficult feeling can change. It can turn into calm and serenity if you give it attention and time. The Dutch philosopher Spinoza put it perfectly: “An affect that has become a passion ceases to be a passion as soon as we get a clear picture of it.”

The key to opening the gateway to emotional balance is being there for your feelings. This practice takes some time and skill. But if you manage to master them, you can deal much better with the difficulties and problems of your everyday life. Not only do you improve your relationship with yourself, but also with other people.