Immature Love And Mature Love: From Neediness To Giving

Immature love and mature love. We have all made (or should be) this emotional journey from one dimension to another. It is a necessary transition that occurs as a result of learning, self-awareness, and responsibility. However, this psychological work of art of mature love is not easy to realize. Therefore there are also numerous people who hold on to their need for love and get stuck in the trap of attachment.

Erich Fromm was the first to speak about these relationship categories. In his famous work The Art of Loving, he taught, among other things, that nothing can be more harmful than to love without knowing how to love or without understanding the pillars of this extraordinary feeling.

Because of this lack of knowledge, many build harmful relationships, rupture wounds in themselves and others, and cause pain that takes time to heal.

When someone feels and lives immature love , he or she does not understand the reason for their failure in their efforts. Why? Because building a healthy, mature, and conscious bond with someone takes courage and a sense of personal responsibility. When love is viewed as a necessity and a means of filling an emotional void through it, one tends to blame the partner. You get the feeling that the other person “doesn’t love you the way you deserve it”.

We want to deal with this topic in more detail below.

Immature and Mature Love: What Are the Differences?

While love is a feeling that everyone can experience, in reality it is not a dimension that is suitable for everyone. Why do we say that? Love is one of the most powerful and beautiful realities that one can experience. Still, a misunderstood love can destroy and destroy.

We also say this because there are still many outdated and misconceptions about it today, such as the idea of ​​romantic love in the midst of the 21st century.

In addition, many people go through one failed relationship after another because they still don’t understand that you have to love yourself first in order to love another person. Mature love also requires a lot of humility, courage and knowledge. However, the brain automatically tends to be dominated by attraction, passion, and the longing desire to be with someone.

As a result, there is not always time to learn the “rules” of healthy love. That kind of love that doesn’t hurt, in which neither partner is either the victim or an emotional tyrant. Below are some of the main differences that exist between immature and mature love.

Immature love: Affection that arises from the need for love

The main problem faced by people who experience and live immature love is that they never feel loved the way they want to be loved. As a result, they are permanently dissatisfied and feel deceived. Her story is one of ongoing failures and failed relationships and disappointment that there obviously doesn’t seem to be anyone who can truly understand or fully embrace it.

• Often these people’s thoughts are dominated by one conviction: “Nobody loves me the way I want to be loved” . But another thought is always present: “Maybe I don’t even love myself the way I should”.
• Immature love and mature love differ in one key aspect in particular: Immature love arises from a need, a need for love. You need to feel loved and validated by your partner to know that you have your place in the world. Your self-esteem and confidence are based on this external source. And when that is not there, nothing in your life seems right.
• These people tend to overly “worship” the partner and they would do anything for the other. With this form of love there are no limits or set rules. It is a giving of all for nothing, a desperate need that does not allow the partner to be himself or herself.

Other features

• This emotional blindness means that you only ever live for your partner. In doing so, you can act like a possessive child who explodes in a fit of jealousy and has tantrums because you are overwhelmed by the fear of not being loved or of eventually being betrayed.
• Additionally, you should note that immature love is another label for romantic love. Here both partners are looking for “the better half” who, almost like a fairy tale character, protects the other from all problems. The concept of a soul mate. This is an attitude that brings with it grave errors, mistakes, and great grief.

Mature love: The desire that arises from self-realization

The journey between immature and mature love is a personal one. It is a path that everyone must walk in order to become competent in the field of love. That means going from a lack to an abundance. From feeling of deprivation to satisfaction. Why? Because the one who loves mature doesn’t have to find a partner to feel happy. Because he already feels complete within himself.

These people also do not seek or long to receive something from another person. Because everything that immature love expects, people who feel mature love have already found in themselves: recognition, security, self-esteem, etc.

When these people develop loving relationships, they do so out of a desire or a sincere desire, and never out of necessity or need for love. Their goal is to find a significant other to travel with together. Both partners are free and fulfilling people who choose each other to build a relationship based on happiness and collaboration.

Immature and Mature Love: How to Develop Mature Love

Nobody moves automatically from one state to another with age. Emotional maturity does not come with age or with suffering from grief and pain. Many people experience one disappointment after another without even realizing that their problems stem from immature love.

So how can you develop good foundations for mature, conscious, and fulfilling love? Here are some important areas to think about.

• Work on the qualities you want in your ideal partner. If you want a loving partner, love yourself. If you are looking for someone who has a sense of humor, is intelligent, caring, and confident, first become one of them yourself. End your own need and transform yourself into what you want others to give you.

• Be the person you want to be by your side.
• Build your self-esteem. As Erich Fromm said, immature love says to itself: “I love because I am loved”. Mature love, however, understands that “I am loved because I know how to love; I am loved because I love myself ”.

Self-love, self-esteem, and letting go of the fear of being alone are the foundations for building healthy relationships with other people. The kind of loving bonds that last and make love a journey of growth and discovery. That love in which there is no fear, need and emptiness, and which instead creates a refuge in which there is no pain.