Sacrifice In Love: Behavior That Tires You

Sacrifice in love sometimes leads us to create an emotional debt: If I gave up certain things for you, it is now your duty to do the same for me.

Sacrifice in love, the righteous. In a couple relationship, continuous sacrifice does not make love greater or more romantic; in fact, just the opposite is true. Persistent waivers tire, erode, and push us away from ourselves until we become what we are not. So it comes in an affective relationship to less victims but rather to compromise.

There is an old saying that if someone steps on your feet, you should complain. If you don’t, chances are he’ll find pleasure in it, assuming it wouldn’t hurt. This idea can also be transferred to the relationships with our partners. We can all sacrifice ourselves for the other person at any time, and indeed that is normal and perfectly understandable. It stings, weighs heavily and sometimes hurts, but we still sacrifice ourselves from the bottom of our hearts because we are committed to the same project. However, no one should overlook the fact that every sacrifice has its price. Every renunciation hurts. A short-term change of plan is uncomfortable. A change of direction on our life path is difficult to accomplish.

Well, if the other person does not appreciate or is not aware of these emotional (and personal) costs of the victims, we are going in the wrong direction. Trust will slowly erode until sooner or later accusations arise. The spirits of any renunciation will hurt excessively, for every piece that we threw on the street does not return, is lost forever.

Boundless self-denial in relationships is unhealthy. To renounce, to give up, today, tomorrow and in the past is a sad way to destroy self-esteem and to create a painful and indigestible substitute for love.

“If nothing saves us from death, then at least let us save love from life.”

Pablo Neruda

Sacrifice in love: where is the line?

It is often said that great love, like great success, requires sacrifice. Nobody wants to deny that. If we took to the streets now to ask questions, there would be many couples who could tell us about more than one sacrifice for the other, those who have taken a new course in their lives and who undoubtedly describe it as worthwhile : You now enjoy a happy relationship.

Now there are sacrifices in love that are not allowed. In addition, there are many who still believe today that the greater the renunciation of the couple, the more authentic and romantic the relationship should be. In these cases, it is as if love were some kind of old atavistic god to be worshiped, an entity for which one could sacrifice oneself.

It is necessary to understand that not everything is valid, that not everything is permissible. One should not sacrifice oneself in affective affairs, because love sacrifice should not be synonymous with self-sacrifice, let alone a pyre upon which to throw one’s own values, identity and self-esteem. There are limits, there may be barriers that have to be clearly visible.

Sacrifice is better than continual sacrifice

The psychologists Van Lange, Paul, Rusbult et al. conducted an interesting study that appeared in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology   . In it, they showed that one of the variables that best predicted the couple’s engagement, stability, and happiness was willingness to sacrifice.

In other words, a person does not need their partner to continually give up or give up in their favor. What she values ​​is knowing that when the time comes, when point and extraordinary circumstances call for it, the loved one will be able to make that sacrifice for her. Knowing that we will count on this unconditional and absolute support from the other side in emergencies is what really gives us security and satisfaction.

Sacrifice in love and emotional debt

We all know love is an obligation. We also realize that sometimes we are forced to make one or the other sacrifice in order for this relationship to have a future, so that it can be consolidated as we wish. It is therefore a means to an end where gains outweigh losses and, moreover, where we act with security and freedom because we understand that it is worth investing in order to grow as a couple.

Well, sometimes the sacrifice in love can turn into a debt. Indeed, there are those who see it as a license for emotional blackmail: “After all that I’ve done for you, you are now unable to do without it” , “With all that I left behind for you to be with you and now you come to me with this selfish act ”  etc.

That aspect of debt is a detail that we must not ignore because of the tenacious nature of its nature. Because there are those who understand love absolutely and of course also extremely: I give you everything, but you also owe me everything. These are those situations in which we are also forced to sacrifice our own identity in order to turn the “I” into a “we” and thus lose any hint of dignity.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the victims in love should better be the just, punctual and justified. Because we remember that in affective matter there is no reason to leave aside what we are, that there is no reason to delete what we value or what defines us.

We will be able to do a lot for the loved one, we will even make one or the other waiver … However, there are insurmountable red barriers, such as giving in to blackmail or becoming something we are not.