How Depression Affects The Mother-child Relationship
Edwin Hubbell Chapin was right when he said that “no language (…) can express the power and beauty, and heroism, and dignity of motherly love”. But if depression affects the mother-child relationship, can both be helped?
Only a mother and her child know the bond that unites both. It is powerful, strong, and resilient when both are determined and love is sincere. Yet there are many external and internal factors that can affect this powerful bond.
Without a doubt, depression is one of the most terrible diseases of our time. This state is characterized by a feeling of being misunderstood and lonely. And for a mother, this problem extends to all of her surroundings. Especially on their children, who feel it more intensely than if it were their own problem.
Parental Influence
The influence parents have on their children determines their development. The mother’s mood has a powerful impact that will be very important in the first few days of the child’s life.
After giving birth, it is normal for mothers to be afraid. But this can easily lead to regression that affects the baby directly. When this occurs, the mother must concentrate and grow beyond the situation. But not everyone can do this.
If depression persists, the environment will affect the mother-child relationship and the child’s development. The child will suffer and try to meet the parents’ demands before asking if their own needs are being met.
Studies on the effects of depression on the mother-child relationship
Donald Winnicott, a celebrated psychoanalyst, was a major figure in the treatment of maternal depression and its effects on children. In fact, his interest on the subject doubled when a woman walked into his office and said she was worried about her child’s weight loss.
Winnicott realized that the mother was depressed. He also identified that engaging with her child made her feel a little more liberated. It distracted her from other things that usually bothered her.
Through contact with the child, he found out that the woman was abused by her husband. He worried about his own self-worth and happiness at the expense of his wife’s pain and suffering. When the child became aware of the situation, they started eating again.
Still, Winnicott recommended that despite the improvement in the child, the mother should receive psychological treatment. Because this would also have positive effects on her son.
What is it like to be a depressed mother?
Depressed mothers disconnect from their impulse to live and deprive their children of the affection they need. To the point where it can affect the child’s behavior. In this post we told the story of a child who stopped eating. But the effects can vary from child to child.
When children do not receive security and affection from their caregiver, they create a false sense of self that leads them to fulfilling the desires of others and satisfying others instead of fulfilling the real self.
This whole process can result in being unable to identify with their peers and those around them. There have been cases of babies who stopped smiling naturally. They only kept the gesture to please others.
How to improve the mother-child relationship
Depression is a complicated disease that is difficult to get through. Mothers who have them need great willpower and courage to get through them. Showing affection to the child is one thing that can help with this.
It is also important to know that we are not gods. Being a parent doesn’t mean you know everything. Children are not immune to conflict. We must face our own problems and help our children do the same.
“Being a mother is the greatest and most difficult thing.”
Ricki Lake
It’s important to take depression seriously. Minimizing it or trying to make it seem like there is nothing wrong with it is a mistake. It would only make the situation worse. It is important to trust, listen, and understand.
And of course psychotherapeutic help is essential. A good professional can help resolve the situation, keep the depression from becoming resistant to any treatment, and alleviate the suffering of the patient and their loved ones, especially children.
“Everything I am and hope to become, I owe only to my mother.”
Abraham Lincoln
Depression can be a decisive factor in the mother-child relationship and can seriously affect the child’s development. It is necessary to treat the child in the best possible way so that they can have all the happiness they deserve.
