Conscious Listening: An Act Of Generosity

When a person is talking to you, they expect you to pay attention. The other person wants you to put your worries aside for a minute so you can focus on their story. At this moment, the person you are speaking to demands that you listen to them consciously. Conscious listening means that you put your cognitive resources at the disposal of the speaker without having any ulterior motives. This explains why some view conscious listening as an act of generosity.

You have surely spoken to someone before who kept interrupting you with expressions such as “In my case, it is different because…”  or “You should have done it that way…”  while you were telling your version of what had happened. Maybe the answers didn’t even have anything to do with what you were talking about.

It’s perfectly normal for you to feel bad when this happens to you. Such interruptions are frustrating for everyone. Most experience this particularly during their teenage years, but we all feel from time to time that the world is a strange place that we just don’t belong.

“I like to listen. I learned a lot from listening carefully. Most people, however, never listen. “

Ernest Hemingway

One thing should be made clear here. This phenomenon can happen to anyone, which means that you too can be the one who does this to others. It is possible that you don’t even realize it. But you can be assured that the person you are talking to is not comfortable with it. If you want to improve your relationships and communication skills, you should practice listening consciously.

What is conscious listening?

The psychologist Inmaculada Domínguez has examined this topic in depth. In the following, we want to explain their theories to you in order to try to explain conscious listening better. As the name suggests, conscious listening refers to a listening technique that you should actively and voluntarily use. There are different elements that come into play, such as respect, attention, love and empathy.

It’s about letting the other person speak and paying attention to what they’re saying rather than interrupting them. It’s also about asking relevant questions so that the other person feels understood. Conscious listening is an act of generosity and genuine interest in the person you are speaking to. In addition, it means opening your heart and mind so that you can assess the perspective of the other person.

One thing is certain: the way we behave towards our fellow human beings has changed over time. Today it is common for our lives to be so hectic that we often cannot (or do not want to) take the time to listen to those around us. This has a direct impact on our interpersonal relationships. This is why you should sit back for a moment and think about the importance of conscious listening in your daily social interactions.

How a lack of conscious listening affects relationships

People are social beings, that is, they want and need to build relationships with others. Everyone wants to be heard and understood. When someone feels that they don’t care what they have to say, their feelings get hurt. Nobody likes to surround themselves with such people.

Unfortunately, this happens frequently and is closely related to the spread of new technologies in society. Nowadays people use their cell phones all the time. Sometimes even several friends meet, but are so busy with their cell phones and surfing the social networks that they still don’t talk to each other. That is why we hardly take advantage of all the possibilities that could lead to authentic conversations.

We are more likely to know what is happening online than in real life. The obsession with posting everything you do in real life on the internet has led to this phenomenon. The sad thing is that the online world pulls people under its spell while others wait for someone to talk to.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is listening to what another has to say.”

Bryant H. McGill

Practice listening consciously

If you want to improve your life and interpersonal relationships, and grow as a person, focus on cultivating the mode of conscious listening and you will experience the difference in your own life.

Here are some ideas that can help you with this:

• Start Meditating: This is a way to pause your mind and become aware of what is happening around you. You can focus on the present moment. By breathing and relaxing, you will find that your mind comes to rest and you can focus on one thing.

• Listen with your body, not just your mind: Pay attention to the other person’s posture. In turn, your body language is important in helping someone understand. However, be careful not to intrude into the personal space of the person you are speaking to.
• Conscious listening isn’t just about paying attention to the words someone is saying. It’s also about recognizing the gestures and facial expressions of your counterpart.
• Don’t interrupt: if you have questions, wait for the right moment to ask them.

Conscious listening is an act of respect for the speaker and you. On the one hand, this technique allows you to expand your skills and be empathetic towards others. On the other hand, the speaker feels heard and validated.

“Most people don’t listen with the intention of understanding. You listen with the intention of answering. “

Stephen R. Covey