I Will Not Change For You, I Will Grow With You

“I will not change for you, I will grow with you.”

I guess this phrase amazes some of us. Above all, it is the people who believe that building and maintaining a relationship always demands the renunciation of certain things in the lives of both people. And that goes so far that we would have to change our personal, character traits in order to “adapt” to the partner.

We have to admit that “being a couple” and keeping the relationship stable over the long term also requires doing without certain things from time to time, but everything has its limits. The moment we feel obliged to change, we lose a part of ourselves and a void opens.

If I change my values, my preferences or my character for you, I stop being myself. The person you say you love would be just an illusion of themselves with no shape or bottom.

If there is a clear and undisputed principle for maintaining relationships, then, that we never allow must, that our rights or our values are violated. Because they define us. And that goes even further: Neither can you ask the loved one to “change” for you so that he or she adapts to your needs.

Something like that would be emotional blackmail and not justified. But let’s take a closer look at that below.

Individual growth and growth as a couple

First we have to make something clear: couple relationships are not fixed and immutable entities. Nobody is free from everything that surrounds us, from other social relationships, from the work environment, from family, from personal needs …

The couple as such is in a process of permanent change in which the mutual agreements have to be adapted to new situations over the years. So there is a “we” that occasionally faces an “I”.

One of the most common problems we face is the need to balance our own development with that as a couple. In a healthy and happy relationship, these two areas are linked and linked. But how does it work? Both partners respect, understand and support what the other needs in terms of personal space, for self-realization, for one’s own growth and to take care of oneself.

We could say that this process is in reality a strange paradox, that we work day after day to be a unit in harmony, compromise and closeness, and at the same time allow ourselves to function as two independent units that each with their individuality Enrich the relationship and contribute to the relationship with your wisdom and inner happiness.

It is about supporting the individual development of both partners, knowing that we are promoting inner balance, self-perception and personal satisfaction, which will then have a positive effect on the relationship.

So there is no point in forcing the person we love to change. For example, when I ask my partner to be less extroverted and less involved in social contexts, wishing them to spend more time with me at home, I am really just creating frustration in the other and harming their interests.

So what good is it for me to use my egoism to promote his or her unhappiness? No one can force themselves to change to fill your void. It’s about building something, growing, developing, never hindering it.

In moving forward with you I find myself

Mature love is the foundation for a healthy relationship. It is a conscious love that respects and loves the other for who he is, without ever feeling the need to change the other. Perhaps we should bring to mind the need for relationships where that maturity teaches us that personal anxiety and insecurity almost always creates a need to control the other.

” I hope that the other person will change this part of their character, because that way I can be sure that they will not leave me and continue to suit me.”  But people are not puzzles, we are not individual pieces of the puzzle that have to fit together perfectly. Your corners do not necessarily have to match mine and your gaps cannot necessarily be filled with my skills.

It would be better if we began to realize that we are all really imperfect creatures who, in turn, seek imperfect beings to go hand in hand and grow with each passing day. This wonderful process will undoubtedly take our entire life, but in that time we will grow personally. We will become much wiser ourselves as we grow as a couple at the same time.

In reality, love is a constant worry in life, a constant search in which we realize ourselves and at the same time care for the development of our loved ones. All of this in turn reflects back on us.