“Mom-Shaming “: Is A Real Mother A Bad Mother?

Stress, lack of time, responsibility, blame, other people’s opinions … These are some of the reasons many women think they are bad mothers today . The term “mom shaming” was coined for this phenomenon on the Internet  . It is especially mentioned in cases where mothers are exposed to harsh criticism from others and then declare themselves a bad mother.

As writer Jill Churchill says, “There is no chance of being a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good mother.”   However, some women still strive for perfection, whether because of external or internal pressures. This notion is as common as it is wrong.

A study shows that mom shaming is very present

Unfortunately, the claim to be a perfect mother is passed on to one’s own children. However, this extremely critical attitude creates a negative environment that contributes more to a child’s anxiety than would be conducive to healthy development.

In the age of modern technology, it is thanks in particular to the internet and social media that mothers are repeatedly confronted with non-constructive criticism . The University of Michigan (Michigan, USA) carried out a survey to shed light on the topic of mom shaming and its representation on the Internet. It was about the public judgment that is so easily made on social media.

The reality that this study reveals is daunting: the results show that two out of three mothers are affected by this type of criticism. They report that they feel ashamed when they read or hear comments and judgments from other people.

The truth about judgments on the net

We can draw further conclusions from this study. For example, more than half of the mothers surveyed said they had received criticism or unhelpful advice from close family members .

The worst, however, is that every single comment, every single judgment weighs heavily on the mothers. They say they feel increasingly insecure about their role as mothers . In other words, that criticism that lacks any basis and that is usually expressed casually and unjustifiably, unsettles women and triggers feelings of shame.

Strangers, acquaintances, and family members criticize mothers for the way they discipline their children. Or for feeding the offspring or for the way babies are breastfed. This increases the pressure on the women concerned to find the “right way” to become a parent .

Basically, people are constantly questioning their own abilities. So this alone is not the problem – if it only happens now and then. But when there is criticism every day, it shatters the mother’s self-confidence bit by bit. Today we know that this has a major impact on her role as a mother, her relationship with her children, her significant other and those around her.

“A mother’s arms are made out of tenderness and the children are sound asleep in them.”

Victor Hugo

Mom shaming is wrong because you just aren’t a bad mom

Despite everything, mom shaming is wrong. It’s wrong because that feeling of shame is out of place in the first place . It’s just the result of other people’s bad habits.

The problem with most mothers is that they themselves criticize what they do because motherhood comes with doubts. They criticize themselves for choosing a caesarean instead of a natural birth. For not breastfeeding long enough and experiencing postpartum mood crises. For how they deal with their emotions; that they go to work instead of staying at home with their children; that they pay too much attention to their cell phones but not enough to their friends; for watching too much TV and indulging in moments of relaxation …

As Clint Eastwood said (and please excuse our language), “Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.”   The fact is, it is not easy for mothers to evade this type of pressure. And it’s true, often this pressure comes from those closest to the mothers . That makes it even more difficult to break out of this awkward situation.

“Never in life will you find tenderness better or more generous than that of your mother.”

Honore de Balzac

To conclude, we try again the author Jill Churchill. The important thing is not to be a perfect mother, but a real mother, she says. Good, loving and friendly. So if you love your child and give them everything you can, why should you listen to other people’s opinions? There is no “how to be a good mother” manual, but there is love – and you have plenty of it.