8 Psychological Strategies For Dealing With Failures

Dealing with failures and the emotions that go with them is a daily challenge. As soon as a new task awaits us, be it private, professional or academic, we ask ourselves the question again: what if I fail?   The idea of ​​failure can preoccupy us more than that of success.

Being able to put aside failures, problems, frustration, and stress can make all the difference and determine whether we succeed or whether we find ourselves in a dilemma that is difficult to get out of. To avoid the latter, it is not only important that we work towards our goals, we also need to know how to deal with failures.

What do we mean by success?

Success differs depending on the situation and person. For the most part, we associate him with money and advancement. A good salary in a good job. But success can also come into our life in other forms. Social reputation, the quality of our relationships, finding the right partner …

We don’t always get what we want. But if we know how to deal with various situations, then we will also be able to cope with them – to get the best use out of them and emerge stronger from them.

What do we mean by coping?

Coping involves a whole series of thoughts and cognitive processes that direct our behavior towards problem-solving. We are constantly changing our approach in order to move forward, depending on what resources are available to us and what demands our environment places on us.

What are coping mechanisms? Perhaps you think of very specific and planned processes when you hear the word. In fact, every reaction to an event triggers a coping mechanism. Crying after a breakup is just as much a coping mechanism as going to a party or exercising with friends to unwind. They are all methods that can help us process our uncomfortable feelings, and they allow us to deal with failures.

Let’s take a look at two coping strategies:

• Problem solving strategy: This focuses on the problem. The problem that triggers the uncomfortable feelings. Eliminating the cause also changes the consequences.
• Emotional regulation strategy: It’s about adjusting our emotional response to the problem. This is a self-regulation mechanism. We adapt the solution to the problem that we cannot or do not want to eliminate at the moment.

If the plan doesn’t work, change the plan, but never change the goal.

Not all strategies can resolve a conflict positively. We can react in a certain way at any time, but the associated emotional consequences can be a hindrance to dealing with failure. In the worst case scenario, our situation becomes even worse. If we z. For example, yelling at someone who has hurt us will only worsen the situation. We maintain the pain and deepen the conflict that already exists.

Dealing with failures

Lazarus and Folkman are some of the best known names when it comes to observing how we deal with failure and its effects. They have analyzed and evaluated thoughts and actions that help us to cope with problems and stress.

There are eight strategies in total, which also include the problem solving and emotional regulation mentioned above. Conversely, every strategy consists of a whole series of behaviors and thought processes. These are different methods we humans use to overcome hurdles. Lazarus and Folkman collected this data using their well-known Ways-of-Coping questionnaire.

• Confrontation: We face reality by trying to modify it. We’re trying to correct our mistake, try again. This can mean a certain risk at times. We also need to spend more resources either to get a new opportunity or to guarantee success.
• Distance : the opposite of confrontation. In this case, we distance ourselves from what happened. Especially when it comes to taking on responsibility. We try to keep our role within what is happening as small as possible.
• Self-control : We focus on regulating our emotions. This does not mean that we are not doing anything, rather we are performing a mental act.
• Social support : This strategy is about finding support in your own environment. Sometimes expressing our feelings can help us focus on the problem. By talking to others, their tips and advice, we can succeed in looking at the conflict from a different perspective.

• Accept responsibility and acknowledge who played which role in the development of the event. Accept the fact that we have some responsibility and focus on ourselves to solve problems.
• Escape or Avoidance : We dream of possible solutions that we implement, but we do not act. Other strategies in this category may involve more action – eating, drinking, smoking, etc. – but still fall into the avoidance category.
• Planning : thinking about and developing possible solutions. Planning can include creating a mind map to identify possible sources of error.
• Positive revaluation : Recognize the positive consequences that failure can have. In other words: always see the positive.

Life is a constant learning process. It is very rare that everything goes the way we want it to. As a result, there are times when we get frustrated or feel like we’ve failed. But this is completely normal and nothing unusual. Our ability to grow and receive returns on our investments comes when we begin to use our emotional resources to deal with failure. In this way we learn life lessons from which we can gain wisdom.