Anyone Who Plays With Losing You Should Let Them Win
Anyone who plays with losing you and only gives you selfish love should let them win. If you play with your love just to fill their emotional void, you should let them win their prize: your farewell. Because whoever plays with you doesn’t deserve you. And if there is one thing we should never lose on the board of life, it is our dignity.
There is a very interesting book on the subject called Why We Always Fall In Love With The Wrong One : Relationship Types and Their Significance for Our Partnership , written by neurologists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book shows that the human brain is programmed to seek and receive support. In every relationship we have, we need security, regardless of whether it is within the family, in a friendship or in a partnership.
“I was afraid of losing someone special, and in the end I lost that person too. But I survived and I’m still alive! “
Charles Chaplin
Even if the following term will not please many, it can still be said that people are “emotionally dependent”. However, we must not understand this dependency as total and absolute dependence on one or more people. The talk here is of the need to feel loved and to take it for granted that we are respected and that we can count on this loved one in every situation.
Building a relationship based on a power game where only one wins hurts. On the other hand, if we have a partner who is downright addicted to making promises he doesn’t keep, or who gives us love solely out of self-interest, then our brains will suffer first: a feeling of stress will soon build up Time wide. It’s an instinctive, biological response that tells us something is wrong.
In our inner being, these notions, which we take for granted, such as “whoever loves us, respects us” and “ whoever loves us, supports us, gives us closeness and gives us security”, begins to crumble. If we do not feel it, do not perceive it, do not step on the brakes at this point, we slip into a vicious circle that is characterized by mistrust, vulnerability and fear.
Love as a game of power and as a system
We all know that the success of a relationship depends on many factors, but one of them is without a doubt the ability of both partners to give and receive support. As soon as one of the two does not support the other or neglects his needs, the partnership is weakened.
As strange as this may seem to us, it is not always easy to accept this reality. Sometimes our partner plays with us and we fail to realize that he is using us as a pawn on a chessboard where there is a relentless king and queen, one chess after another, destroying all of our hopes, dreams and strengths. According to systems theory, applied on an emotional level, this is due to very specific factors.
When two people enter into a relationship, they create something that is much bigger than just two partners. It is a system that resembles a sphere full of complex facets that penetrate us, but to which we sometimes ascribe properties that are “too perfect”. We tell ourselves that this relationship is the non-plus-ultra, that it is perfect and that we grow together not only as individuals but also as a couple.
We hold on to these beliefs and this inner dialogue because our minds need it: We long to experience security on a psychological and psychological level. But day after day this perfect system with its small but relentless and emotionally bitter blows, such as contempt, disappointment and emotional blackmail, is destroyed a little more.
Few people react immediately when they receive a blow like this. It takes time to realize that we are or have fallen in love with the wrong person. The brain is programmed to resist change and therefore makes use of inappropriate reasoning such as “this is only temporary”, “I’m sure it will change”, or “if she loves me, will they realize that it hurts me ”.
The system that is formed by us, however, becomes weaker and weaker over time, until at some point it collapses like a house of cards. We have to be able to leave the field in time so that the situation doesn’t turn into a sad dream or a tireless game in which we’re the losers.
Those who love you don’t play with you: on emotional immaturity and love as a game
In the aforementioned book by the neurologists Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, they show us that emotionally immature people are people who understand love as a game. They are personalities who respond only to the changing moment when it comes to instant gratification and the need to meet one’s own needs.
“Sometimes to lose is to win, and not finding what you are looking for is to find yourself.”
Alejandro Jodorowsky
They will not hesitate to fly to the cold moon all alone , even though you give them the warm sun. They make promises when they’re happy and blame you for all of their problems when they’re frustrated. Then why do we sometimes fall in love with people with such a personality? Why does it happen so often that we fall in love with the wrong person? There is no particular reason for that. We could say that we are attracted to their intensity or dynamism, or that they seek us every now and then, as if we were the air they need to breathe.
We must not be fooled. Love is not a game and whoever plays with losing us must let them win. That’s the best we can do. Because ultimately we too will emerge victorious: in the end we will have gained in dignity, self-respect and courage.
We should not forget that emotional maturity is also defined by our ability to look at the reality of the circumstances and to know how to act about them, even if it is painful for us and even if it causes our hearts to spend a certain amount of time will be broken. The satisfaction of having acted as we should have done means that we can put the broken pieces back together sooner than we believe today.
