In Mourning Again: If We Can’t Find A Way Out Of The Tunnel

Falling back in grief happens more often than we might think. Instead of seeing this development as a step backwards, we should see it as a fact that can sometimes be expected, as something normal within the grief process. Taking two steps back can be the best strategy every now and then to find buoyancy. In the end, nobody can find a way out of this tunnel within two days. It’s a long journey and it’s normal to stand still in between and take a few steps back.

Any therapist experienced in treating depression, anxiety disorders, addictions, and other mental illnesses knows that their patients need a well-designed prevention plan in order to respond to relapse. As the specialist knows, it is important that the patient is also aware that relapses are possible.

“You shouldn’t be paralyzed by your feelings. You shouldn’t defend yourself. They shouldn’t prevent you from being all that you can be. “

Wayne W. Dyer

Those who mourn hope that this condition, which is sometimes very hard and almost impossible to endure, will pass as quickly as possible. Above all, he wishes that the moment will come soon when he can finally breathe again without it hurting him, that the day is approaching when he can sleep for several hours at a time without waking up with tears. We perceive the healing process as a straight line, on which we decrease the distance to the infinitely distant goal with every step forward.

It is therefore important that we understand that it doesn’t always work that way. It is often the case that at some point we leave the straight line and take a detour, or more painfully, return to the starting point of grief. To avoid this, it is necessary to equip ourselves with tools with which we can protect ourselves and let the wind get under our wings again.

In mourning again: why is this happening?

According to a   study published in the journal Biological Psychiatry , the way we process information determines whether we relapse in our grief. For example, magnetic resonance imaging has shown that there are different “types” of brains, with some responding better to traumatic, complex, or challenging events than others.

There are people who get through the grief phase because they are more resistant, more resilient and at the same time more flexible. Other people, on the other hand, grieve more slowly and keep falling back into their grief because they tend to go through what they are grieving over and over again. This leads them to a point of exhaustion, to a loss of energy, which contributes to the fact that the patient is caught in his grief and finds it difficult to take steps forward.

The fact that there are different ways of processing information and that very different attitudes exist does not mean, however, that certain people are condemned to have to relapse again and again in grief. If there is one thing we know about the brain, it is that its plasticity is amazing, that we can train and adjust it to break down what makes us more vulnerable.

We can all do that. Now let’s take a look at how we can do that below.

Strategies to Avoid Falling Back in Grief

As we have already said, good psychologists know that two action plans are necessary in order to deal with any illness, disorder or problematic event: the intervention strategy itself and a prevention plan to avoid or at least limit relapse and to maintain the state in which the patient is finds the strength necessary to move on.

Below we would like to invite you to think about the following preventive measures that we can apply in our everyday life.

Accept the possibility of relapse while you are grieving

Sometimes our circumstances force us to learn to “walk” again. Loss, be it physical or emotional, brings grief that pulls us down and forces us to recreate ourselves. It is grief because of which we have to learn to get up and move on in spite of everything.

A common part of this process is that we take one step forward and two steps back. We shouldn’t see this as a problem or a step backwards that would make it impossible for us to move forward. We should understand that sometimes we have to take a step back to find new buoyancy.

Relapse can take many forms

It is important that we understand how relapse manifests itself. If we are prepared for them, we can respond to them more quickly.

• A relapse often shows up through listlessness and bad mood.
• Fatigue and lack of energy can also be signs, but we can also feel restlessness and the need to always want to do something. We then want to do a lot so as not to have to think.
• We also need to be careful about whether certain substances are consumed in excess. For example, some grieving people have B. the increased need to drink alcohol or even resort to medication to ease their pain.

Mindfulness to prevent relapse

Mindfulness exercises are very useful for anyone who has completed a grief process, overcome depression, or is in the process of overcoming an addiction. With these exercises it is achieved that those who practice them gain more control over their mind and thus open a powerful channel to better deal with their fear. In addition , mindfulness is particularly suitable for reducing negative behavior or recurring thoughts and creates inner peace and better regulation of emotions such as anger, frustration or sadness.

Mindfulness equips the patient with the necessary tools off to a productive internal dialogue, a questioning awareness and connection to promote yourself, to needs, fears or worries uncover, to respond to it at the same moment.

In conclusion, we should not leave it unsaid that mindfulness exercises should be practiced regularly and built into our daily routine so that they really bring us something and help us avoid relapse.