Tricks For A Liberating Conversation

There are many strategies you can use to initiate a liberating conversation, but it is an art form: the art of communicating, speaking, and listening. You should learn to use the silence properly, to take breaks and to get involved at the right moment. What’s more, you should be able to listen and have the ability to understand others in light of their circumstances. A liberating conversation allows everyone involved to speak up, and that also means relieving pressure that builds up when you can’t talk about a topic.

Therefore, the liberating conversation should above all be an opportunity in which everyone can express themselves freely. You have to speak the same language in order to be able to establish a genuine connection with the other person and to be able to communicate honestly.

“The story is nothing more than a dialogue, a very dramatic one, between man and the universe.”

Silence is important in a conversation

Many people have a very strong need to be heard. That is why they talk and talk and this can become uncomfortable for those around them. This constant need to communicate has its origins in a deep egocentrism, but sometimes it is just a sign of fearfulness or a need for self-affirmation.

Not everyone understands the value of silence, and not all people understand that communication is a process that develops in two directions and in which everyone involved should be able to speak and be silent. Otherwise those ostensible conversations arise that are in reality pure monologues.

The first condition for a liberating conversation is therefore the ability to understand and appreciate silence.  Silence here does not mean emptiness, but a moment of listening, paying attention and recognizing what the other is saying.

The willingness to talk

The conversation between two people can only be liberating if there is an inexperienced intention on both sides to talk. This implies a willingness to listen and a willingness to make an effort to understand. In this sense, it is not enough just to be still while the other is talking, but rather to be mentally active within that silence.

If there is an authentic willingness to talk, then one can listen calmly, understandingly and curiously:

• Listening calmly means choosing a moment for the conversation in which the emotions do not overflow. And when they are doing this, it is important to be sure that we are able to control them and show understanding for each other’s feelings.

• Active listening is curious listening. It is not limited to just staying calm and confirming everything the other is saying, but trying to get even more information to dispel doubts and better understand what the other is thinking.

Questions are an excellent way to connect with each other and are also proof of the other person you’re listening to.

Understanding listening means the willingness to put yourself in the shoes of the other person and to be able to grasp what they are feeling while they are speaking.

It means being considerate of the feelings and emotions that move through non-verbal communication channels. Because a liberating conversation is something that goes beyond words, it also means capturing the feelings that arise during communication.

Making judgments is the death penalty for all conversation

Assuming the role of a judge, as if the other person were on trial, as if they were the accused, is never a communication-enhancing decision. It means opening the door to mistrust, to fear and tension, and to closing them to communication.

Nobody wants to talk to someone who is condemning them or giving them moral sermons. In a liberating conversation, unpleasant facts can come to light, difficult confessions can be made, or perhaps truths can be uttered that one does not want to hear. Dialogue can only be truly liberating when you encounter them without judging.

It is also advisable to do some research beforehand on the topic or problem that is involved before expressing an opinion. The best thoughts generally come from people who have suffered a similar problem themselves and have the experience of the matter. Professional help can prove to be the best solution in cases where those involved are overwhelmed and lack specialist knowledge.

Important: let the conversation flow

It is crucial to empathize with the person you are speaking to in order to establish a connection.  Listen carefully without interrupting or getting off topic. The conversation is often interrupted because we would like to address one or the other point mentioned by the interlocutor. In such cases, it is better to make a note of these instances and let the person finish speaking without interruption. Then you can go through the list point by point as soon as the interlocutor has finished and express your own opinion. Of course, without lapsing into a rigid, strict monologue or a moral sermon.

The environment in which the conversation is held can also be very important. If the matter is delicate or requires maximum attention, it is best to find a place that eliminates interruptions and prevents intimacies from leaking out into the open. Choosing an appropriate location helps keep the conversation flowing.

Five practical pieces of advice

There are five basic rules for a liberating conversation so that the dialogue  makes sense and can be productive for everyone involved:

• Choosing the right time and place. You shouldn’t be in a hurry, have time and avoid interruptions.

• Agree on which topic will be discussed. As strange as that may seem, a conversation often fails because you haven’t clearly defined what you want to talk about. If both of them are clear, then you can kindly advise the other to come back on the topic if he deviates.
• Set a goal. What is the purpose of the conversation? It is best to define that in advance. One should refrain from making unrealistic or authoritarian suggestions. For example, the goal should never be “that you change” or “everything will work again”. Rather, a conversation should be geared towards creating understanding for specific situations.
• Agree on a few basic rules. For example, you can agree not to interrupt the other while speaking and set a time limit for each contribution. While this may seem a bit artificial at first, this is very important in keeping the conversation flowing.

• Make a commitment to talk about yourself and not about the other. This is a very healthy rule: express what you feel and don’t refer to what you think the other is feeling. This will move you away from the temptation to make useless judgments about the other.