Why Do People Feel Drawn To One Another?

Why do people feel drawn to one another? This is a question you may have asked yourself at one point or another. And, in fact, there are far more studies of affection and attraction than many other psychological subjects. Maybe that’s because they’re relatively easy to research. Basically, it’s easy to create attraction between two people who didn’t know each other before. However, it can be difficult to promote and observe love relationships over a longer period of time.

Elizabeth Barret Browning, a 19th century poet, wrote, “How do I love you? Let me count how. ”   Browning chose this way of expressing her thoughts on love, an issue that is central to most people’s lives.

Factors Affecting Attraction Between People

Traditional studies help us understand the factors that create attraction between two people. Here we are going to talk about some of these factors that are most significant in the eyes of social psychologists.

vicinity

If you live in a dorm or apartment, think about the friendships you made when you moved there. In all likelihood, the people who lived close to you became your best friends. In fact, this is one of the most tangible outcomes to be found in the literature on affection. Proximity, as can be easily confirmed, leads to attraction.

Contact

Repeated contact with someone may be enough to create attraction. Interestingly, a stimulus – whether it is a person, a painting, a song, or something else – that you come into contact with repeatedly will appeal to you more and more. The process of getting used to him can create positive feelings. The feelings that the familiarity creates are transferred to the stimulus, e.g. B. on humans. However, there are a few exceptions.

If the initial interactions are negative, repeated contact is unlikely to generate affection. Just the opposite is true. The more we are exposed to that person, the less we like them.

similarity

Popular wisdom speaks of two people who were made for each other. Unfortunately, she also tells us that opposites attract. Social psychologists have made a judgment as to which of these two arguments is true.

We tend to be attractive to those who look like us. Finding people whose attitudes, values, and traits are similar to our own encourages affection. The more a person looks like us, the more attractive we will find them.

There are several reasons why the similarity increases the chance of mutual attraction. One of the reasons is that we assume that people with similar attitudes will see us positively. Affection involves a strong interaction. Knowing that someone sees us in a positive light encourages us to focus our attention on that person.

The need for someone to complement us

We all know exceptions to the general rule of similarity. There are couples who don’t seem to have anything in common. They do not share any traits, interests or attitudes. Nevertheless, the partners obviously attract each other.

Social psychologists are aware of these exceptions and explain them: People are attracted to a certain person when they meet their needs. For example, a dominant person looks for someone who is submissive. And that submissive person is looking for someone who is dominant. They have differences that seem incompatible. However, when they are in a relationship, they each meet each other’s needs.

Physical attraction

Attractive people are more popular than unattractive people. Period. While this realization contradicts the values ​​most of us claim to have, it still seems to be true, even during childhood and later in adulthood. In fact, physical attraction might be the most important element of affection. But their influence diminishes as people get to know each other better.

The factors we’ve considered here aren’t the only ones that affect attraction. According to a study of more than 40,000 subjects, the qualities people valued most in a friend were: the ability to keep secrets, loyalty, warmth, and affection. Support, honesty and a sense of humor took the next places.